I love girl talk. Especially with my closest friends. Not because I like to gossip. I mean, I do appreciate some good juicy gossip, but I'm really not into spreading people's business. But because I like to hear what people have to say on various things. I like to understand why people do the things they do and make the choices that they make. Because let's be honest, people do some pretty stupid stuff. But I digress.  I was having some girl talk with a few friends of mine and we got to what my friend referred to as "her list". I'm sure plenty of you have heard of said list before. The list of requirements that women keep to judge men against. Things like he has to have a job, he has to be handsome, tall, successful, he has to have all his front teeth. You know, stuff like that. And men have them too. Don't front. We use these prerequisites to decide whether or not we want to settle down with someone for the long haul or whether the encounter is just going to be a booty call kind of thing.  Now I'm all for a list. Totally and completely. It's good to know what you want. And it saves a lot of time. I refuse to entertain anyone that is not motivated to do something better with themselves. But that's where my list ends. And maybe that's why I've dated and been in relationships with every kind of man you can think of. The over worker. The mama's boy. The player. The nerd. The baby daddy of sixty eight kids. I've dealt with them all. It's not that I didn't have standards. Some of these men I just needed something physical with. Some of them I wanted much more. It's just that with my hippie soul, I like to get to know every type of person and, again, understand why people do the things they do. If I would have had a list, I probably would be in an entirely different space in my life right now. But I digress again. To all of you that have a list, kudos!! I just want you to pull it out for a second or think of some of the things that you just cannot live without in a partner. What is on your list? If you've never thought about it, check out this article to help you get started. Some of the things I heard during girl talk were a good job, big feet (personally, I think hand size is a better indication of what he's working with), straight teeth, a college degree, any kind of car, a good relationship with his mother, and he has to love kids. These are all great things to have on your list. Hell, I even had to sit and think about what I would really and truly want out of a partner if I was in the dating game again. So again, look at your list or think about it in your head and let's move along.  Now for all of those who have things like he has to have a six figure income or wash board abs, I strongly suggest you go pick up a copy of this book I just read, It's Okay To Sleep With Him On The First Date: And Every Other Rule Of Dating Debunked. In it, one of the authors, Andrea Syrtash talks about the list and how her list changed dramatically when she started looking into why she wanted the things that she had written down. My favorite line in this section of the book is: 

"Dig deeper than the superficial stuff, since the superficial stuff changes with time......" Syrtash, p. 168

I couldn't have said it better. My friend, bless her simple soul (you know I love you girl), mentioned things like he has to have locs down to his butt, and he has to wake up before her every morning, and he has to like to travel. So for argument sake, let's break down those things. She's really conscious when it comes to Black social and political issues. So she assumes that locs on a man means that he values these things too. After all, locs are supposed to be a rebellious hairstyle symbolizing that you're "down with the cause". But I shut that down real quick. Lil Wayne, Wiz, Two Chainz, Future, they all have locs. Not saying that they are bad men to date. There is someone for everyone out there. But I know they just aren't her type.  I asked if she would date any of those men. I got no answer. She should probably change that to a man that is passionate about the same things that she is. And list those things she's passionate about. She might start attracting a different type of man.

As for waking up before her, why is that important to her? Does she want him to start their day by making breakfast and coffee. Then maybe she wants a man that's considerate. Or maybe she wants him to be up and out the door before her headed to work. Then she wants a hard worker. A provider. Someone who will take care of her financially. And the love of travel? Maybe she wants someone adventurous. Maybe she wants a man that likes to explore. Or someone impulsive who likes to do things spur of the moment. Dig deeper into the things you want from your partner. Apart from the basic things. If you're ready to really start looking to settle down, and I didn't say get married, I said SETTLE DOWN, I suggest that you know what you're looking for. Or else you'll be like me with a bunch of bullshit experiences with a bunch of different people.

And of course I must say, your list will not be exhaustive and all inclusive. Which means, it's not going to have everything you want or everything you don't want in a man. That will come with time. And don't be stupid! Just because a man may not have everything on your list doesn't mean he's not a keeper. I strongly suggest putting a star next to the things that you cannot live without in a partner. Those are the things that can make or break your union. The other stuff would be nice to have. And those are the things that you can compromise and be flexible on. Again, I learned this the hard way. I compromised on the things that I needed in order to love a person. Like really be in love with them. And my relationship fell apart because of it. So don't be like me. Do better.