9:49 AM
I don’t know
why I agreed to meet her in this place. The uneasy corner of Getting Over Her For Good and Trying To Make This Shit Work Again. She conned me into coming
when she told me she needed to talk. Just as friends. She needed to vent. And I
was the first person to come to her mind. Not her girlfriends. Not that dude
she had just broken up with because they couldn’t iron out their kinks. But me.
I pretended she was telling the truth about this being a friendly reunion. The
love for her that still lived behind my conscious thoughts hoped it would be something
more.
I reached
the coordinates in space and time that she had given me. Not a tangible place
that you can feel and touch, just a point in the universe where both of our
beings wanted what they wanted. And at that moment, it was critical that we be
with each other. Her body was so far away, but I could still see her in my mind’s
eye. She was smiling shyly at me in my imagination, hoping I would make the
first move so that time would revert back to when we were together. Before she
lost her damn mind. She wanted to take a trip back to our favorite place. Where
it was quiet. Where we didn’t have to utter a single word to communicate. Where
I gave her the truest, purest form of me.
But she hadn’t
known what to do with my vulnerability. It had been fragile and needed to be
handled with care. I had given it all to her, and ultimately, had to take it
all back. Or at least what was left of it before she destroyed all of its magnificence.
That’s the thing about beautiful emotions. They’re so precious, so incredible,
you never want to let them go. You want to keep them pressed against the
softest parts of you forever. But she didn’t deserve any of it. She wasn’t
worthy of my sensitivity.
But I damn
sure wanted to bestow the honor upon her once again. I wanted to start over. I
wanted us to hit replay and rewrite the parts where she fucked it all up. Make
her choose differently. Demand that she see that everything she was looking for
in these shallow ass niggas she was using to fill that emptiness was already in
me. I wanted to hear her voice again and be hypnotized by her Siren Song.
Remind me of the times that she made me feel ecstasy despite the crumbling
walls of hell all around us. Take me to before I knew that she was the devil I
was running from.
I still
wanted to save her from herself. I wanted to run behind her and tell her that
she was flawless just as she was. She didn’t need to run away from her
insecurities. Her fears no longer needed to cripple her. She was perfect. She
still is already perfect. There was no need to destroy everything she touched
just because she herself was broken. I wanted nothing more than to fix her. I
wanted to take her bruised existence and nurse it back to health. She was worth
more than the Rolex I displayed on my wrist. She was worth more than one
hundred lifetimes. She was worth more than I could ever offer her. We just
needed one eternity together.
I guess that’s
why I agreed to meet her at the corner of I Shouldn’t Be Here and I’ll Never
Fucking Leave Your Side. Because no matter what direction we take, we would
always end up here. Staring at each despite the limitations of time and space. Aware
of the fact that we should never try to awaken the sleeping dragon that was
once us. But pathetically unable to fight the feeling that this is where we
both belonged. There was no place I’d rather be than on the corner of I’m
Leaving You Alone and You’ll Always Be My Baby with her.
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