So, we all knew this post was coming. I've had a couple of e-mails for this and a few verbal requests too, so I thought it was time to talk about this. Before we get started though, I need you to clear your mind. Don't read this post with any biases, any past hurts, or any preconceived notions. Hard right? I know. But just try. We all go in looking to bash or demonize the side chick when the truth is, most of us have been one. Knowingly or not. So none of us are in any position to judge anybody. So don't do it.
Let's get started by defining what a side chick is. My definition of the side chick is as follows:
Side Piece: A person (male or female) who is actively participating in a romantic relationship with someone who has a steady or "main" partner already i.e. girlfriend, boyfriend, boo, or bae.
I know, the definition is as basic as they come, but I just want to be clear.
Now, I'm not a big fan of monogamy. I do it because it's the best way to provide stability and raise my son. Plus I have such an amazing partner. So that makes it bundles easier! With this being said, I don't really feel any type of way about the side piece. Truthfully, I know many women and men who would rather be the piece on the side than the main thing any day. Less headache. Less expectation. More time for yourself. You have no one to answer to. Plus, it's more fun. I read an article online that details relationship advice from a 98 year old woman. You know this lady has some gems! But out of her three marriages, she states that her lover was who she was the "most mad" about. Flings are exciting. There are no expectations. For some people, it just works. And what do we hear every day of our lives? Do what makes you happy. So what if being the thing on the side makes you happy? Should you not do it?
The issue comes in when we start dealing with relationships and ethics. Most people don't want the person they are in a relationship with to be romantically involved with anyone else. Period. No late night texts. No going out to dinner. You just don't do it. I hate to say this, but in most relationships, it's like you own the person. This person is MINE MINE MINE!!!!!! And nobody else can have what we have. And my partner cannot give to anyone what they give to me. This what I hate about monogamy. I belong to me. You belong to you. And if we decide to share ourselves with each other so be it. But if I share myself with you, it doesn't mean you OWN me. It means I let you into my personal self, we are going on this relationship journey together, but we are still two separate people. No ownership involved.
But I digress. Let's get back on track. The side piece poses a problem because they throw a money wrench in our traditional view of monogamy. There is no room for a third person in a relationship. They steal attention. They make us insecure. They ruin marriages and break up families. They dissolve the trust between two people (if they are kept a secret). They secretly worship the devil. They make your hair fall out. And they're trying to take what's yours. Oh hell no!! Somebody has to stop these Godforsaken people!
Let's look at it another way. Some side pieces are not out to steal your partner. They just want to have a little fun. They're not looking to settle down and inherit this person they're messing with. After all, they already know that this person is a dishonest, cheating, sack of (insert your own word here). Why the hell would anybody want that? Especially if they are looking to settle down and be with one person forever. They just want the affection. The free stuff. The late night booty calls. You can keep everything else. These side pieces are looking for a good time. The end.
But there are some people out there on the side who are looking to be the main. And I have to say to you, you are STUPID. No. No. No. No. No. If this person is sneaking around with you, chances are they will sneak around ON YOU. And if this person you want to make your main thing doesn't even respect your feelings enough to dead it with their current partner, why the hell would they respect your feelings on anything else in the future? As the side piece, it is their job to make you feel good. It is their job to keep the peace with you. After all, if your side piece is miserable and unhappy then it would be like a regular relationship. Who the hell wants two stressful ass unions? Not me!! If you find yourself catching feelings for your partner, and you know you're the side chick, leave that mess alone. Now. It starts getting too messy after that.
Speaking of messy. You side pieces have to know your freaking place. Sheesh. Need help knowing the boundaries? Watch this video. Let me tell you something. If you messy females call me on some crazy mess, I'm going to give you my man's number (which you probably already have) and tell you to take it up with him. I don't have nothing to do with what goes on between ya'll. I only deal with him and me. You have to take your beef to someone that can actually do something about it. And that surely ain't me! So stop with the messiness. Don't go calling their partner or spouse looking for revenge. You just look foolish. Don't key their car because you will go to jail. I promise you. Don't leave ear rings or panties behind on purpose. You're going to need those further on down the line. And do you really think somebody that's cheating isn't going to check behind you after you go? If they don't, they want to get caught! Stop with the messiness. You have got
to do better.
So I don't have any other "tips" or "advice" for the side pieces out there. Each situation is different. Do you. I don't care. I'm not even going to lie. If I found out that my partner cheated on me, I would ask why he felt like he couldn't be honest with me. Then I'd ask if he was leaving me so I know if I have to get another job to take care of me and my son. I mean, I just want to be clear. And if we work it all out? I don't give two craps about the other girl. I don't know her. And she don't know me. I'm not going to look for her or cyber stalk her or anything like that. I have things to do. I do know this though. If she's going to continue to be in my relationship, she better start dropping some money on these bills up in here. If me and my partner are both working and trying to make this family work, if you're going to mess around with my man, heffa you better contribute too. Pay up. And that's that.
Oh yeah! I do want to say this though. When you find out your partner is messing around with someone else, I do think it's foolish to go after the side piece. After all, they didn't make a commitment to you, your partner did. Your partner lied. They didn't. Your partner led you on and fed you false promises. Not them. So why, in most cases, do most people go after the side piece as if they are the problem? No. Sit down and stop being stupid. Deal with your dishonest partner and figure out why they're stepping outside of what you guys created for fulfillment. Because you know what? If you don't address those issues, you may be able to get rid of one side piece, but trust and believe, there will be someone else to take their place very soon. Again, stop being stupid.
Okay, that's it. Summary please. Side pieces exist. I don't care either way. Every relationship is so different, every side relationship is so different, you can't really have an opinion either way. To all you side pieces out there, be careful. Some people will kill over their partner. No person is worth dying for. And to all you people who have been cheated on or find out about their partner's side piece, do what's best for you and your relationship. If you love them and think you can work it out. Stay. It's on you. Again, I couldn't care less. I'm over here writing blogs and raising my son. I got things to do. And that's all I have to say about that.
Let's get started by defining what a side chick is. My definition of the side chick is as follows:Side Piece: A person (male or female) who is actively participating in a romantic relationship with someone who has a steady or "main" partner already i.e. girlfriend, boyfriend, boo, or bae.
I know, the definition is as basic as they come, but I just want to be clear.
Now, I'm not a big fan of monogamy. I do it because it's the best way to provide stability and raise my son. Plus I have such an amazing partner. So that makes it bundles easier! With this being said, I don't really feel any type of way about the side piece. Truthfully, I know many women and men who would rather be the piece on the side than the main thing any day. Less headache. Less expectation. More time for yourself. You have no one to answer to. Plus, it's more fun. I read an article online that details relationship advice from a 98 year old woman. You know this lady has some gems! But out of her three marriages, she states that her lover was who she was the "most mad" about. Flings are exciting. There are no expectations. For some people, it just works. And what do we hear every day of our lives? Do what makes you happy. So what if being the thing on the side makes you happy? Should you not do it?
The issue comes in when we start dealing with relationships and ethics. Most people don't want the person they are in a relationship with to be romantically involved with anyone else. Period. No late night texts. No going out to dinner. You just don't do it. I hate to say this, but in most relationships, it's like you own the person. This person is MINE MINE MINE!!!!!! And nobody else can have what we have. And my partner cannot give to anyone what they give to me. This what I hate about monogamy. I belong to me. You belong to you. And if we decide to share ourselves with each other so be it. But if I share myself with you, it doesn't mean you OWN me. It means I let you into my personal self, we are going on this relationship journey together, but we are still two separate people. No ownership involved.
But I digress. Let's get back on track. The side piece poses a problem because they throw a money wrench in our traditional view of monogamy. There is no room for a third person in a relationship. They steal attention. They make us insecure. They ruin marriages and break up families. They dissolve the trust between two people (if they are kept a secret). They secretly worship the devil. They make your hair fall out. And they're trying to take what's yours. Oh hell no!! Somebody has to stop these Godforsaken people!
Let's look at it another way. Some side pieces are not out to steal your partner. They just want to have a little fun. They're not looking to settle down and inherit this person they're messing with. After all, they already know that this person is a dishonest, cheating, sack of (insert your own word here). Why the hell would anybody want that? Especially if they are looking to settle down and be with one person forever. They just want the affection. The free stuff. The late night booty calls. You can keep everything else. These side pieces are looking for a good time. The end.
But there are some people out there on the side who are looking to be the main. And I have to say to you, you are STUPID. No. No. No. No. No. If this person is sneaking around with you, chances are they will sneak around ON YOU. And if this person you want to make your main thing doesn't even respect your feelings enough to dead it with their current partner, why the hell would they respect your feelings on anything else in the future? As the side piece, it is their job to make you feel good. It is their job to keep the peace with you. After all, if your side piece is miserable and unhappy then it would be like a regular relationship. Who the hell wants two stressful ass unions? Not me!! If you find yourself catching feelings for your partner, and you know you're the side chick, leave that mess alone. Now. It starts getting too messy after that.
Speaking of messy. You side pieces have to know your freaking place. Sheesh. Need help knowing the boundaries? Watch this video. Let me tell you something. If you messy females call me on some crazy mess, I'm going to give you my man's number (which you probably already have) and tell you to take it up with him. I don't have nothing to do with what goes on between ya'll. I only deal with him and me. You have to take your beef to someone that can actually do something about it. And that surely ain't me! So stop with the messiness. Don't go calling their partner or spouse looking for revenge. You just look foolish. Don't key their car because you will go to jail. I promise you. Don't leave ear rings or panties behind on purpose. You're going to need those further on down the line. And do you really think somebody that's cheating isn't going to check behind you after you go? If they don't, they want to get caught! Stop with the messiness. You have got
to do better.
So I don't have any other "tips" or "advice" for the side pieces out there. Each situation is different. Do you. I don't care. I'm not even going to lie. If I found out that my partner cheated on me, I would ask why he felt like he couldn't be honest with me. Then I'd ask if he was leaving me so I know if I have to get another job to take care of me and my son. I mean, I just want to be clear. And if we work it all out? I don't give two craps about the other girl. I don't know her. And she don't know me. I'm not going to look for her or cyber stalk her or anything like that. I have things to do. I do know this though. If she's going to continue to be in my relationship, she better start dropping some money on these bills up in here. If me and my partner are both working and trying to make this family work, if you're going to mess around with my man, heffa you better contribute too. Pay up. And that's that.
Oh yeah! I do want to say this though. When you find out your partner is messing around with someone else, I do think it's foolish to go after the side piece. After all, they didn't make a commitment to you, your partner did. Your partner lied. They didn't. Your partner led you on and fed you false promises. Not them. So why, in most cases, do most people go after the side piece as if they are the problem? No. Sit down and stop being stupid. Deal with your dishonest partner and figure out why they're stepping outside of what you guys created for fulfillment. Because you know what? If you don't address those issues, you may be able to get rid of one side piece, but trust and believe, there will be someone else to take their place very soon. Again, stop being stupid.
Okay, that's it. Summary please. Side pieces exist. I don't care either way. Every relationship is so different, every side relationship is so different, you can't really have an opinion either way. To all you side pieces out there, be careful. Some people will kill over their partner. No person is worth dying for. And to all you people who have been cheated on or find out about their partner's side piece, do what's best for you and your relationship. If you love them and think you can work it out. Stay. It's on you. Again, I couldn't care less. I'm over here writing blogs and raising my son. I got things to do. And that's all I have to say about that.
