Now the lovely person who decided to play "devil's advocate" is not really on the devil's side at all. They were speaking truth! I never understand how so many women have so many children by so many different men. Four kids by a man that has six other kids running around elsewhere? Seven children by five different men? Okay, let's stop this train for a second. Children are just the evidence of unprotected sex. So, chances are, these people are engaging in risky sexual behavior much more than we are aware of. Aside from the children, there must be other gifts and presents shared amongst these adults who are all sleeping together. Like my mother told me, a child should always be the least of your worries. I don't want to come home with something that can kill me or damage my life forever. So think about that the next time you let some man enter you without a condom (forget birth control - A CONDOM!!). But I digress.
I'm all about supporting Black Women. This we know. I love the loose women, the strippers, the partiers, the house wives, the students, and even those in corporate America. I love all Black Women in all walks of life. No judgment from me. What I do not like, and cannot stand, is poor decision making. And that's exactly what this is. You are making poor decisions. Sometimes you just have to sit down and think. Think about the fact that the man you have children with or might have children with in the future already has six or seven children that he is not taking care of. Think about the fact that everything he is telling you he has probably told all of the other women that came before you. Use your head. And use common sense. It is physically, mentally, and financially impossible for this man to have so many children and take care of them in any effective sense of the word. He is just one man. There are but so many things he can do.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't sleep with him. It's your vagina girl, do what you must. I'm just saying why do you have to have a child with him? Why must you bring a baby into this messiness? I think people are losing sight of why this is so impactful and such a serious matter. There are children involved. Hundreds of thousands of children. And they watch what adults do. They learn from our behavior. They imitate us. They want to be like us, whether they realize it or not. So what are we teaching these children? Have kids. Procreate. Be fruitful and multiply. With everybody. And then have more kids. It doesn't matter if you can't take care of them. It doesn't matter if you don't spend time with them or see them. Just do it. Now you see the dilemma. It's just going to keep going on and on and on. Until someone stops it.
Now this got me thinking about a conversation that I had with my mom the other night. As you all know if you've been following along with the happenings of my life, I'm getting married. Which means that there's a slim chance that things won't work out between me and the father of my child. Now in the event that we can't work it out and we go our separate ways, I kindly told my loving mother that I do not plan on having any more children with any more men unless I get remarried (which will never happen). Not because I love my fiance so much I just can't imagine having another child with another man ever in life. Let's not get carried away here. But I do not want the stress of other people controlling my life, making decisions for me, telling me who my child can and cannot be around and all those things just because we decided to create a life together. And I don't want my son to feel second class to any other children I may have. Period. AND....I really don't want to deal with the drama that comes with multiple children with multiple men. I just can't do it. But I digress again.
Another issue I have is Black Women trying to play the victim in all of this. In the video, Iyanla says the man should ask forgiveness from all of the women who he fathered children with because he broke their trust. Okay. Wait. Baby mother number one, two, even three, may have a valid point. But all the other ones. Hell no. You have to learn from past behaviors. Stop thinking that a man is going to change for you. Look at his past actions and judge him from those. And let the brother know, this is what his behavior in the past has taught you about him so this is the person that you assume him to be. Now if he would like you to view him a different way, then make him prove it! Make him work to show you that he has changed and that he will not do the same thing to you. And I say give it at least a year. A year and a half for someone who has a really jacked up past. If he proves he's changed, take it slow. And don't go having a hundred damn kids with a man that has proven that he can't even handle the ones he already has.
Okay, I'm rambling on. Let's drop the curtain on this one. Do I feel sorry for the women that have children with these men? No. Do I think these men need help? Yes. I think there is a lack of positive Black Male leadership in the community. Not in the middle or upper class community, we see men providing for their families, going to college, etc. enough to know it's there. I'm talking about the communities in poverty, the ghettos and big cities all around America. Where is their positive Black Male leadership? Where are their shining stars to look up to? There are not many. And it starts here. Teach our young men to make better decisions regarding their sexual experiences. Teach our young women to be stronger, sniff out the bullshit, and become better decision makers regarding men, relationships, and trust. It may not make us perfect, but it certainly make us better.
"Whatever we believe about ourselves and our ability comes true for us." - Susan L. Taylor, journalist
