I've been surfing the web a lot lately and stumbling upon various websites that deal with the relations of black men and women, especially when it comes to intimacy. I see all types of different things said. Some websites argue that black women are the cause of all the misery with the defiant behavior and overbearing personalities. She just does't know when to be quiet and back down. Others argue that black men are the cause since they step out on their women and refuse to take care of the children they create with these same women. Simply put, black men leave their women with babies and marry white women. Well, I'm here to tell you, both sides have their issues, and until they get resolved, we're going to continue to raise children in broken and unstable homes.

Let's start with the black woman. For some reason, every time I see a young black woman in the mall, grocery store, or on my college campus, there's several reactions that I get in they're with their boyfriend. Some smile, which is a sign that she's secure in herself and has nothing to worry about. Others get fidgety, fumbling around with things, acting like they're to busy to notice anything if I do decide to run up on their man and try anything foolish. But the most common reaction, the one that gets under my skin, is when one of my own Sisters feels like she needs to give me the evil look and grab her man like he's about to take flight. Girl, the fact that he's sitting with you is all I need to know that he is taken, even if he isn't your boyfriend just yet. There's no need to feel like you need to hold this man down to keep him from looking or talking to me. If you're secure in your own and you know that you're doing anything and everything to keep his loving where it needs to be, let that man go. He can be as free as a bird and still won't fly away from you.

I'll admit, women go to some extreme measures to keep their men, especially when they feel like the man is going to go out and cheat or buy that expensive TV set instead of paying the bills. Black women, like all women around the world, tend to nag their men to clean up, watch the kids, change the channel, get a job, start working out, and whatever other little thing she can possibly find that's wrong with him, while also working on his last damn nerve. Again, I will admit that all women are good for this, black, white, Latino, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc. I'm guilty of this also, more often than I thought apparently. But this doesn't let black men off the hook. You have your own short comings that need to be dealt with.

First off, I'm tired of every single black man I walk past trying to label me something different. I am not your shawty, ma, sweetheart, baby, etc. Even if you're fine as sin, I'm not going to delay my trip, turn around, and come crawling back to you and leave my phone number in the plam of your hand (or your Blackberry). You have legs, if you want it come get it. And I strongly suggest that you think before you speak if you suggest to get anywhere. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the passive type. If I see something I want, I'm going to have it. Case closed. But if you want me to entertain you and the prospect of a date with you, you better not come at me like you did the lady before me, or the one walking down the street after me. That's not going to work.

Additionally, Black men want their women to respect them as men, but not all men are deserving of this. You want Black women to bow down and claim the role of house wives, just as various other types of women do, but a large percentage of Black men are not claiming their roles as providers, protectors, and consolers. I'm not saying that a man has to bring in all the money or more money than I do. I will gladly step aside for a strong black man that asserts his dominance, despite the amount of money he makes. But do not expect me, or any other Black woman, to take you seriously if you're not doing what you need to do, emotionally or financially.

Stand up and raise your children. That would be a start. And I don't mean raise like child support raise, I mean like take your children to dinner, Chuck E. Cheese. Take your daughters out shopping or to a baseball game. Take your sons to buy their first suit or to a local book store or poetry slam (if that's that you're into of course). Money does not raise children (although it does help, so send those child support checks where/when they are due). You want Black women to respect you as heads of the households? Raise your children in those households, whether you live there or not. That would definitely take one of the main arguments Black women make off of the table.

Also Black men, stick with the one you're with. Now this is not just a Black problem, as we have witnessed with the recent run-ins involving Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and Larry King. Men in general have just been getting a bad reputation this year. But this doesn't excuse the behavior of Black men all around America. There is no reason why six women have the same baby father. That's just wrong, and nasty if you think about it thoroughly. There is a shortage of Black men in relation to Black women, but that doesn't mean that every Black man should go out and get their fair share of women. It creates all types of problems, especially in a society that stresses monogamy (and a large percentage African-Americans look down on polygamy, but we allow our Black men and women to cheat all the time). Get it together. Love the one you're with completely, and you'll see how different your relationships become. If you have a good woman, not someone who just nags and refuses to work with you, then you will be just fine, and you will receive her whole and complete being (as long as you return the favor).

So what's my solution? Compromise. Black women cannot ask their men to be heads of the household and continue to fight back against everything that he attempts to implement or get done. Sometimes you just need to shut-up and do what the man says. It's that simple. Black men cannot expect their women to respect them as their leaders, their providers, or their Lovers, if the women are constantly forced to do the jobs of these same men. Step up, be a real man. Put your foot down as much as you want, but make sure you drop your wallet too, and take care of your children while you're at it. A woman has no choice but to respect a man that handles his business. She doesn't have to like him. But she must respect his authority.

So try it out in your own relationships, both the new and the old. Compromise and communication. You'll be surprised how different your relationship becomes. Who knows, we might actually create a society of happy, healthy, Black relationships.