Free Write: Arrival
2:44 PM
I
have arrived. On the flight that you assigned me. To your side of reality. I
have finally crossed over to the Promised Land. To the land of green overflow,
fidelity, and security. It is where you have wanted me to be. You have force
fed me all of the fairy tales and candy dreams and I am ready to reach the
clouds with you. But I just have one question.
Where,
My Love, are you?
You
promised me white fences and the pitter patter of miniature feet. You swore to
me that the wealth would spill over in abundance and my heart would never again
know worry. I admit that I have been hesitant all of this time. Dissecting your
words. Looking for holes and inconsistencies. There were many.
But
you know what? I still traveled through the messy untruths and sticky
infidelities to your side of the mountain. The bright side. The side where you
told me to meet you. I have gotten to the peaceful part. The most joyous
corner. Serenity. I am here. But where are you?
It’s
silent here. Only the faint ringing in my ears remains. I’m listening intently
for your voice. I’m looking around watching the breeze blow through the light
green grass. The hope is keeping me going. The love makes me smile. Even though
the loneliness wraps itself around my neck, threatening to choke me.
I’ve
grown impatient. I’m ready to go now. But every time I go to leave, every time
my feet begin to walk away towards that dreadful flight back to actuality, you
appear and feed my soul again. You tell me you’re going to change. It’s a
promise. You’re trying. Give you another chance. It will be different this
time. It calms me. So I stay. And wait longer. And longer. Weeks. Months. Three
long years. Waiting. Surviving off of the wishes and dreams that seem to drift
further and further away from me.
Your
words are repetitive. The reasons and excuses you give me no longer ease the
hunger building in the most sacred parts of me. I have opened the door for you
finally. But you did not walk in.
You’ve
run out of chances with me. The arrival is now a departure. I’m leaving now.
Evacuation time. Feed your love songs and tears to someone else.
I’ve
already begun my journey back home. To the place I have known forever and
missed so dearly. I’m headed back to me. And away from you.
I’ll
remember you. Treat the next one better. Make sure when you send her to the
land of picket fences and overflow, you meet her there. Don’t keep her waiting.
Do better. We deserve it.
That’s
my flight. It’s time for me to go. I’ll watch our world grow smaller as I ascend
into the sky. Away from everything I ever hoped for. I’ll do better next time.
Goodbye.
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