"The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or the desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their acquaintance and activity, but for this type of friendship, both  a rare man and a rare woman are needed." - Anna Garlin Spencer

We've heard it all before. Men and woman cannot be just friends. It's simply impossible. The physical attraction that inevitably occurs between a man and a woman will get in the way and complicate the entire situation. It just cannot be. We are sexual creatures incapable of separating romantic love and platonic love when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. That's just the way it is.

I had a hard time really wrapping my head around this topic. Honestly, I didn't know how I felt about it. I do think that men and women can be friends and remain that way forever. However, also believe that there will be some type of romantic attraction at some point. I mean, it just happens. Not on purpose. But you do start thinking about the what if's. What if this guy was my boyfriend? What kind of life would I have if I dated this guy who just understands me so well? And although you may not act on these feelings, they do pop into your head. And if you deny it, you're a liar.

So since I couldn't figure out which side of the fence I was on, I decided to dig a little but deeper into the subject. The first placed that I looked was Wikipedia. Of course the page gave me a really deep and technical background on where the term came from, but I really appreciated that I got a working definition in the first line. Please see quote below.

"Platonic love is a type of love that is chaste and non-sexual." - Wikipedia

Perfect!! Yes. That's exactly what I think about when I think about a platonic friendship. Two people of the opposite sex that are friends. Like real friends. Not friends with benefits. Not friends that are secretly crushing on each other and one is afraid to tell the other. Just friends. That's it.

This made my view point a lot clearer on the matter. Yes. Yes. Yes. Guys and girls can be just friends. I've had only two types of friendships like this in my life, but they were two of the most gratifying. Being friends with a guy gives you an entirely new perspective on issues, especially romantic ones. But aside from that, it's great to just have a guy friend to talk to. There is no competition. He doesn't care that you got the latest shoes or that your hair is straight from Brazil and has never been touched by human hands (unless you guys are interested in that). You guys just talk crap, shoot the breeze, and enjoy each other's company. I mean, isn't that what all friendships should be like?

Now the gray area comes in when you have someone in the relationship that catches feelings or has hidden motives. Some girls accept just being a guy's friend because they are hoping that they guy will eventually want to make them more than a friend. Or some guys agree to be a girl's friend so that he can hopefully one day take advantage of her in a moment of weakness. We all know this happens. And this is one of the main reasons why so many people believe that men and woman cannot be friends. So to all of you going through this situation, here are just a few words of advice.

• Set clear expectations.
• From the beginning, all parties involved should know what the expectation is. If you want to be just friends with someone, make that clear. And make it be known that there is not going to be a chance in the future of you guys ever being anything more. It may seem harsh, but it will save a lot of heart break and confusion down the line. It will also give you guys a chance to reflect and really think about whether or not you want to put yourself into this situation. Make sure that both of you get a chance to voice where you want the friendship to go and what activities/behaviors are acceptable in your friendship. It may seem stupid and tedious, and maybe even a bit boring, but it is necessary to make sure everything flows smoothly over time.
• If issues arise, reflect and resolve.
• If you guys come to a point where one person is having feelings for another or some other issues arise, talk about it. Why are they feeling this way? Are these romantic feelings getting in the way of the friendship? Lay it all on the table. And be honest. And if you feel like you can't be honest, you don't need to be friends with this person anyway. Once everything is out in the open, resolve the issue. Maybe you guys are spending too much time together and you need to bring other people into your life to divert your attention. Maybe connecting with someone of the opposite sex in this way has you thinking about something more serious with them, despite the expectations being set in the beginning. If this is the case, figure out what you want to do. You can either terminate the friendship or just ignore the fact that one of you is crushing on the other one. I'd say go with the former. Secret crushes always get messy, especially when someone in the friendship does get involved with someone romantically. It's going to suck to lose a friend, but it's not worth the headache.
• Never make assumptions.
• One thing that I kept reading online and that I saw in this video, is that guys think that girls are way more attracted to them than the girl actually is. Men also underestimate their value as a friend. Sometimes we're so full of ourselves that we swear that someone is attracted to us, even if they aren't. Really sit down and think about your friendship. And if you feel like the other person is becoming to clingy, think about why. What behaviors make you feel this way? And then think about if it was a friend of the same sex doing the same thing. Would you feel the same way? Sometimes we over react and think that we're being hit on when in all actuality, the other person is just being friendly or making conversation. Don't lose a friend because your head  is big. Get it clear first before you start jumping to conclusions
• Don't send mixed signals.
• Don't be that person that says they just want to be friends but they invite you over at three in the morning to "talk". Friends don't kiss. Friends don't have sex. They just don't do it. All of these behaviors are crossing the line into relationship land. And they send mixed signals. It's just not fair to the other person. If you want to be my friend and you don't want me to catch feelings for you, why do you text me inappropriate things at all hours of the night or make comments about us being together. Not cool. And you can't be mad if someone wants to be with you after you make them feel those kinds of feelings because of your words and actions. Keep it friendly. Of course friends make dirty jokes, talk about sex, complain about relationships, etc. But the line should never be crossed where one of you is hitting on the other. Don't do it.
• Cut the friend off if need be.
• It's hard to lose a friend, but you know what, sometimes it's necessary. I don't want any friends in my life that give me a freaking headache. I don't want anyone in my life that doesn't respect the boundaries that I have put forth for us. So you know what, if I have a friend that just can't get it together, they have to go. I don't care who you are. If you've exhausted all possibilities and the friendship is still not what you expected or the other person is still catching feelings, just end it. Tell them you don't feel like you can be friends anymore and wish them all the best. Explain why of course. Don't walk off like a douche bag. But you should let them know that they've been demoted to an acquaintance and will be treated as such. Buh-bye.