So in case you didn't know, America is in a mini uprising. I can't call it a full fledged protest/revolution yet because of the lack of leadership. Citizens are protesting. Black America and it's supporters are angry, but cannot clearly and assertively articulate what specifically we want. Michael Brown's parents are using their voices to support a bill that would require all police officers to wear cameras on their uniforms while on duty. New York City, home of the Eric Garner tragedy that was caught on video (I mean seriously, how much more proof do you need?), is proposing the same thing. In case you've been living under a rock, get caught up about Michael Brown here and Eric Garner here. But where is the real action? The real leadership? Marching is great. We have the attention of White America and people all around the world. So what are we going to do with it?
Let me first say, I am proud of all of you that are out there fighting. The protests at the University of Pennsylvania. The marches in New York. Bringing traffic to a hault in DC. The organized protests in Chicago. John Legend and his wife, Chrissy Teigen, have shown their support by paying for food trucks to feed the protesters (allegedly). The citizens of Ferguson have voiced their concerns and frustration different ways. Some by peacefully protesting. Some by looting and burning down buildings. I have been paying attention. Reading. Watching videos. Absorbing everything since CNN announced that the decision had been made on whether or not to indict Mike Brown's killer. I waited to write this post because I wanted to see how many of you would still care. How many were still invested. How many of you are really into this and not just trying to keep up with what's going on on social media. 
Of course, the family of Mike Brown has asked us to protest peacefully. And for the most part, that is what is going on. But the night that Officer Darren Wilson was not charged with the crime of killing Michael Brown, or any charges at all, and was allowed to walk free and clear, the city of Ferguson Missouri was a royal mess. Now let me make this clear, I'm all for looting and burning shit down. Not because I believe in destroying property and causing chaos. Those that know me can attest to the fact that I need everything to be organized. But because I desperately hate big business and people who set up shop in Black Neighborhoods and over charge us for goods that are necessary for us to live. Milk. Water. Pampers. Food. Gas. The basics.
And two, White America is quick to judge us for burning down business and running out of stores with TV's and liquor bottles, calling us savage and criminals. But was it not them who burned down Black Churches? Black Schools? Did they not successfully burn down the Black Wall Street? Did they not lynch and burn Black men, women, and children in a riot like fashion? Are they not stealing from Blacks every day by nickel and diming us for things like internet, cable, over priced smart phones, and other materialisitc goods? Do they not profit from our ignorance and need for more? So please do not tell a people who have fought to get what they have and where they are how they should react to hundreds of years of struggle and fighting. It's a set back. People are mad. Let them grieve.*
In case you haven't picked up on this yet, yes, I am emotionally attached. Not because I have a son. Not because I am engaged to a man that looks like a thug 98% of the time he walks out the door (but he's as sweet as candy). Not because I'm some radical, revolutionary hippie that likes to rant (ahem). But because I know what this moment in history means for our future. We hashtag #blacklivesmatter, but do you really understand what that means? Let me explain it to you. The purpose of the protests, the riots, the global movement, is to make it clear that it is not okay to kill Black People, whether they be men, women, children, teenagers, WHOEVER, and get away with it. It is not okay to gun us down in the street and get away with it. We will not taking that sitting down. Our lives matter. We love our children, our spouses, our nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins, etc. and we will not sit by while they are killed by anyone, not just Law Enforcement. Think about that next time you're trying to be cool with the hash tags. Is that what you stand for?
Now, the true weight of the situation didn't hit me until I saw that trending topic on Twitter. #crimingwhilewhite That mess pissed me off to no end! White people blatantly offering up altercations with the cops that they got away with. And will continue to get away with. Some things Blacks would be jailed for. But that was the point. To start the conversation. To make it clear that there is a racial problem in America and Blacks got the short end of the stick. If you have a Twitter account, I strongly suggest you go on there and read some of the things that people wrote. It's a doozy.
So let me wrap this up here. I think my best friend summed it up so beautifully. Check out what she said:

*Of course I feel for those whose business were burned down that are not part of Corporate America and have worked from the ground up. But like so many innocent people who lose homes, lose businesses, even get caught in the cross fire and lose their lives, they are the exception, not the rule. Those are the people who should be helped. 

Before you get all squeemish and judgmental, remember this. In all of my posts I attempt to be fair and non-judgmental to everyone, unless your behaviors dictate that I should think otherwise. On sensitive subjects like this, I do my best to be judgment free. And you should be too. So take off your religious and social hats for the duration of this post and just read as a human being. Thank you.
I've gotten a few requests for this topic in the past but I wasn't sure that I wanted to address it. I was going to leave it alone until I saw this article in the August edition of Cosmopolitan (if you don't know by now, that's my favorite magazine!) stating that bisexuals have more health risks than those who identify as gay or straight. It claims that because of the stigma placed on bisexuals they are more prone to depression, violence, and sexually transmitted diseases. After reading this I decided to just take a stab at it. I started looking online at different articles and videos to help me gather my thoughts and figure out how I really felt about the matter. So here it goes.
Bisexuality is a tricky topic because many people think it simply doesn't exist. Bisexual people are either straight people that want to have sex with everyone or gay people that refuse to come out of the closet. This is what I see and hear whenever the topic is discussed. People use words like confused, promiscuous, experimenting, and loose. Some people use even harsher words than that. And truthfully, bisexuals are really not accepted by either community. It's like being mixed race. You don't really belong to either side. So how do you tackle a topic that most of society already feels so strongly about? Like this.
First, as always, let's define what I mean by bisexual. A bisexual person is one who is attracted physically or emotionally to members of both sexes. And no, that one time in college or that one time in band camp does not count. I mean a genuine, ongoing attraction. And I didn't get that from anywhere. I made that up all on my own. For a more thorough definition and a personal story dealing with bisexuality, head on over here. Bisexual people are neither gay nor straight, they just are. So we see where the complication comes in. In a world that forces us to put labels on everything and define every aspect or ourselves, it's really hard for a bi-sexual person to explain who they really are. I mean, they can't possibly be attracted to both sexes in the same way. They must prefer one over the other. But that's just it. They don't. Just like straight people have different preferences when it comes to what they look for in a partner, it's the same for a bi-sexual person. They are simply attracted to different people for different reasons. Nothing wrong with that. 
For me, bisexuality is more about being attracted to traits and genders than it is to the physical sex itself. Let me explain. We as women are mostly attracted to men because they display male traits such as dominance and strength. We often say we want a provider and a man that is independent and takes care of his own. Same thing for men. They are usually attracted to feminine traits such as beauty. Men want a woman that is nurturing, caring, emotional, and soft. Now I know these are very stereotypical traits. Please forgive me. Just follow along for the sake of argument. 
Bisexual women may be attracted to a man because they display predominantly male traits and attracted to a woman because she displays these traits as well. Same thing for a man. He may be attracted to women because he likes the nurturing, feminine side but he may also find these traits attractive in a man. Or you know what, bisexuals may like both traits because they themselves are a mixture of masculine and feminine qualities. Like every straight or gay person, every bisexual person is different and they choose to identity as bisexual for different reasons. The point is, I believe that it's less about the sex when it comes to sexual orientation and more about the attraction.
Now the issue becomes even more complex when you think about bisexual men vs. bisexual women. Bisexual women are often thought of as fast. They just want to sleep with everyone without discretion. And I often hear that their boyfriends automatically think it means they are going to have a threesome. It's sexy and sometimes even desirable. But not when it comes to men. Bisexual men are often thought of as a "closet" gay who are trying to cover it up by dating women. As this New York Times article put is, they are either straight, gay, or lying. There was even an experiment done that measured how bisexual men responded to gay and straight erotica by measuring genital response, also detailed in the New York Times article (link above). 
But honestly, measuring genital response means nothing. Bisexuality is so much more than how our private parts respond to sexual stimulation. It's about attraction. I mean, think about this. When you are in a relationship with someone, especially for a long period of time, eventually the physical part of the relationship starts to fade (omg!! say it ain't so!) and the emotional attraction you feel toward each other is what keeps it all together. It's why wise people tell you that you should date your best friend or why you often hear that you should be with someone your compatible with. Trey Songz said it in terms that some of you understand better. Sex ain't better than love. Because sex fades. It's your love and your emotional attachment to your partner that keeps everything alive. So can you really measure how someone feels about something based on their sexual response? I think not.
Okay, let's wrap this bad boy up. Bisexuality does exist. But it is much more complex than we think it is. Just because someone chooses to settle down with a man (or a woman) does not negate their attraction to both sexes. It's just who they chose. Alan Cumming best sums it up when he says that he still identifies as bisexual even though he has decided to marry his male partner. And for those of you out there who are bisexual and questioning your sexuality, here are some words for you: watch this video. You are not alone. The world will eventually come around. 
And if you are a bisexual looking for some guidance or somewhere to turn to without judgment, you should go here. Trust me, I know it's hard living in a world that doesn't understand you and constantly makes assumptions about your choices and the way that you live. Just keep doing you. The biggest insult to anyone who says anything negative is to prove them wrong.
And for those of you who are friends with a bisexual or another member of the LGBT community, Cosmo offers some great tips on what to say and what not to say to a bisexual friend in the article mentioned above. They also have an awesome online article on what not to say to a bisexual friend. And some of us need that because we're good at putting our foot in your mouths. So check it out. Let's all work together at judging less and understanding more. We're all different. And that's okay. If you don't agree with it, fine. But keep your negativity to yourself. We'd all appreciate it. Thanks.

First off, let me start by saying that this an adult post. 18+ Please. If you are not 18+, please get your little booty out of here. Go do something else. Thank you.

I got this request from one of my coworkers because she swears up and down that a guy's penis size matters. Her argument is that the size of a man's junk determines the amount of pleasure he can give you. She always says that she doesn't want a "pinky toe". Which is understandable. I mean, most women say the same thing. They want a man that is packing down below. Beyonce says she only wants a man that "carries big things if you know what I mean" in the Destiny's Child song, Soldier. And mostly all women are guilty of staring at a man's hands, feet, or crotch area to determine whether or not he's got it going on down there. Guilty.

There are plenty of articles, videos, blog posts, etc. online about this topic. I started digging through trying to see the consensus out there and get a feel for what people really think about the subject. According to this video, most girls think, HELLLLL YESSS!!!!! Most women think they want a six inch pecker and above. Sorry to disappoint ladies, but the average penis size is 5.6 inches. (I have no idea how I know that. Random piece of knowledge I carry around in my head) So most of the women in the world are already looking for a man that's above average. As with most things, we are looking for the fantasy and ignoring what's really there.

But let's keep is real. Do you even know what six inches looks like? Like for real? Okay. Here's a test. If you have a ruler at home, go ahead and measure out six inches. Don't worry. I'll wait. Google it or something. Hold your hands six inches apart and really LOOK AT IT. Do you really want six inches of something creeping up inside of you? Maybe you do. Maybe that's your thing. And in that case, rock on girl! But most of us really don't even know what six inches looks and feels like. We've never taken a moment and thought about what six inches of length means, not even taking into consideration the width and thickness of the man's privates. Makes you reflect doesn't it?

Now let's also keep in my that Black Men have a slightly larger average penis size than that of their Caucasian counterparts. So let's just add an inch or so on there for safety. Let's just say for argument the average Black Penis is 6.6 inches. So wait. If you can't handle that six inch piece of work that you were just imagining, how would you make out with almost seven inches? Is that even feasible to you? And think about the width and thickness of the Black Man's penis when he is ready to saddle up and ride. Some of you are hot just thinking about it. Go get some water. I'll wait. But to me, it's scary. Legit scary. I want no parts of that. Thank you.

Okay, think about this also. You have a vagina, yes? Have you ever considered the depth of the average vagina? No? Okay. The depth of the average vagina for a woman that has never given birth is 4.25-4.75 inches when aroused. There is a slight, almost insignificant, increase in the size of the vaginal opening when a woman bears a child. Now this information is kinda old, from about 1960, but I don't think vaginas have changed much since then. So, for those of us women who say they want a seven or eight inch penis, where is all that penis going? I understand that for some women that may be pleasurable. Again, do your thing girl. No judgment here. But for those of us who are just repeating what we hear, really think about what you are saying. Do you really want a man with a seven inch lover boy? Or would you prefer something smaller that will make you feel a lot better?

Honestly, I don't care about penis size. Most guys with huge equipment have no idea what to do with it. They think that just because their lower member is large and in charge, it automatically makes them great in bed. And you know what, that's not their fault. Look back at everything we just talked about. We, as women, make them think that. We're so obsessed with a man's size that an above average man thinks that he's already won the race. No brother. You are sadly mistaken. There are plenty of men out there that are confident with what they are carrying around because they know how to use what they've been given. Confidence is sexy. And knowing how to work your body and find your way around a woman's body is even sexier. If you don't know, you better ask somebody.

Contrary to popular belief, pleasing a woman takes skill. If you have all the gizmos and gadgets in the world, they mean nothing if you don't know how to use them. You must know what turns your woman on, how to touch her, what buttons to press and which to leave alone. And this doesn't take a big stick. It all starts in our minds. If we are attracted to a man, it doesn't matter what his penis size is. And Ladies if you think if you don't agree, you're shallow.

Now hold on before you get an attitude and flip your weave because I just called you shallow. I say this because it's possible to have a man that isn't the biggest or the baddest wolf, but he will definitely blow the house down. It's about the motion in the ocean. Knowing how to use what you have to gain the maximum amount of smiles and satisfaction for you both. Size shouldn't be a major factor when deciding whether to give your body to a man. I don't even think it should be a major factor when making any decision regarding a man. To me, size doesn't matter. It's all about how you use what you have.

This one I'm throwing out to you guys. Comment below or tell me what you think in an e-mail, sankofah8@gmail.com. I'm curious to see how many of you think that size actually does matter, and how many of you think otherwise. Speak with you all soon!! =)

"The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or the desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their acquaintance and activity, but for this type of friendship, both  a rare man and a rare woman are needed." - Anna Garlin Spencer

We've heard it all before. Men and woman cannot be just friends. It's simply impossible. The physical attraction that inevitably occurs between a man and a woman will get in the way and complicate the entire situation. It just cannot be. We are sexual creatures incapable of separating romantic love and platonic love when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. That's just the way it is.

I had a hard time really wrapping my head around this topic. Honestly, I didn't know how I felt about it. I do think that men and women can be friends and remain that way forever. However, also believe that there will be some type of romantic attraction at some point. I mean, it just happens. Not on purpose. But you do start thinking about the what if's. What if this guy was my boyfriend? What kind of life would I have if I dated this guy who just understands me so well? And although you may not act on these feelings, they do pop into your head. And if you deny it, you're a liar.

So since I couldn't figure out which side of the fence I was on, I decided to dig a little but deeper into the subject. The first placed that I looked was Wikipedia. Of course the page gave me a really deep and technical background on where the term came from, but I really appreciated that I got a working definition in the first line. Please see quote below.

"Platonic love is a type of love that is chaste and non-sexual." - Wikipedia

Perfect!! Yes. That's exactly what I think about when I think about a platonic friendship. Two people of the opposite sex that are friends. Like real friends. Not friends with benefits. Not friends that are secretly crushing on each other and one is afraid to tell the other. Just friends. That's it.

This made my view point a lot clearer on the matter. Yes. Yes. Yes. Guys and girls can be just friends. I've had only two types of friendships like this in my life, but they were two of the most gratifying. Being friends with a guy gives you an entirely new perspective on issues, especially romantic ones. But aside from that, it's great to just have a guy friend to talk to. There is no competition. He doesn't care that you got the latest shoes or that your hair is straight from Brazil and has never been touched by human hands (unless you guys are interested in that). You guys just talk crap, shoot the breeze, and enjoy each other's company. I mean, isn't that what all friendships should be like?

Now the gray area comes in when you have someone in the relationship that catches feelings or has hidden motives. Some girls accept just being a guy's friend because they are hoping that they guy will eventually want to make them more than a friend. Or some guys agree to be a girl's friend so that he can hopefully one day take advantage of her in a moment of weakness. We all know this happens. And this is one of the main reasons why so many people believe that men and woman cannot be friends. So to all of you going through this situation, here are just a few words of advice.

• Set clear expectations.
• From the beginning, all parties involved should know what the expectation is. If you want to be just friends with someone, make that clear. And make it be known that there is not going to be a chance in the future of you guys ever being anything more. It may seem harsh, but it will save a lot of heart break and confusion down the line. It will also give you guys a chance to reflect and really think about whether or not you want to put yourself into this situation. Make sure that both of you get a chance to voice where you want the friendship to go and what activities/behaviors are acceptable in your friendship. It may seem stupid and tedious, and maybe even a bit boring, but it is necessary to make sure everything flows smoothly over time.
• If issues arise, reflect and resolve.
• If you guys come to a point where one person is having feelings for another or some other issues arise, talk about it. Why are they feeling this way? Are these romantic feelings getting in the way of the friendship? Lay it all on the table. And be honest. And if you feel like you can't be honest, you don't need to be friends with this person anyway. Once everything is out in the open, resolve the issue. Maybe you guys are spending too much time together and you need to bring other people into your life to divert your attention. Maybe connecting with someone of the opposite sex in this way has you thinking about something more serious with them, despite the expectations being set in the beginning. If this is the case, figure out what you want to do. You can either terminate the friendship or just ignore the fact that one of you is crushing on the other one. I'd say go with the former. Secret crushes always get messy, especially when someone in the friendship does get involved with someone romantically. It's going to suck to lose a friend, but it's not worth the headache.
• Never make assumptions.
• One thing that I kept reading online and that I saw in this video, is that guys think that girls are way more attracted to them than the girl actually is. Men also underestimate their value as a friend. Sometimes we're so full of ourselves that we swear that someone is attracted to us, even if they aren't. Really sit down and think about your friendship. And if you feel like the other person is becoming to clingy, think about why. What behaviors make you feel this way? And then think about if it was a friend of the same sex doing the same thing. Would you feel the same way? Sometimes we over react and think that we're being hit on when in all actuality, the other person is just being friendly or making conversation. Don't lose a friend because your head  is big. Get it clear first before you start jumping to conclusions
• Don't send mixed signals.
• Don't be that person that says they just want to be friends but they invite you over at three in the morning to "talk". Friends don't kiss. Friends don't have sex. They just don't do it. All of these behaviors are crossing the line into relationship land. And they send mixed signals. It's just not fair to the other person. If you want to be my friend and you don't want me to catch feelings for you, why do you text me inappropriate things at all hours of the night or make comments about us being together. Not cool. And you can't be mad if someone wants to be with you after you make them feel those kinds of feelings because of your words and actions. Keep it friendly. Of course friends make dirty jokes, talk about sex, complain about relationships, etc. But the line should never be crossed where one of you is hitting on the other. Don't do it.
• Cut the friend off if need be.
• It's hard to lose a friend, but you know what, sometimes it's necessary. I don't want any friends in my life that give me a freaking headache. I don't want anyone in my life that doesn't respect the boundaries that I have put forth for us. So you know what, if I have a friend that just can't get it together, they have to go. I don't care who you are. If you've exhausted all possibilities and the friendship is still not what you expected or the other person is still catching feelings, just end it. Tell them you don't feel like you can be friends anymore and wish them all the best. Explain why of course. Don't walk off like a douche bag. But you should let them know that they've been demoted to an acquaintance and will be treated as such. Buh-bye.

Okay, here we go with the societal rules and expectations again. Why is this even still a topic of discussion? Why in a generation where Rihanna can bare it all, literally, are we still judging people for having sex on the first date? Sex on the first date is just that: sex. If you decide that you want to sleep with someone on the first date, third date, seventh date, a year later, who really cares?

So let me just start by saying that this topic was a special request from my significant other because he thinks I'm horrible at communicating (ironic right?). It's not that I'm bad at it. I am really good with words. Honest. It's just that I'm all about efficiency and purpose. In an argument, I believe you say what you have to say, I say what I have to say, and then we're done. Let's agree to disagree and move on to something else. Not him. He wants to talk and find solutions to every single issue that we have. The problem with that is, some problems don't have solutions. You just have to respect each other's feelings and let it be. I have things to do. I don't want to sit and keep having the same discussion forty five times. So he wanted me to do this post on communication because he thinks it's an opportunity area for us (I do not). This one is for you James.

• Just because you're talking doesn't mean you're communicating.
• Just because words are coming out of your mouth and your partner is supposed to be listening doesn't mean you're communicating. You have to be saying something of value, and something that pertains to the issue at hand. Aimless talking gets you nowhere and it gets frustrating for the person who genuinely wants to get the problem solved. And your listener has to be open to listening. I mean, what's the point of talking to someone who isn't taking in what you're saying? Communicating has to be a two way street. Speak how you feel on the matter at hand and make sure your partner is really ingesting your concerns. It shows they care and it'll likely prevent the same issues from happening again in the future.
• You have to be honest or else the entire conversation is pointless.
• I hate when you're trying to talk to your partner and you know everything coming out of their mouth is a damn lie (luckily I've never had that problem with Dean). Like, do you think I'm a freaking idiot? I refuse to sit down and talk to someone and they can't even respect me enough to tell me the truth. So don't do that. That's a no no. Be honest and keep it real. And if you feel like your partner is being dishonest, DO NOT BE ACCUSATORY. Lay your evidence on the table and ask for an explanation. And don't be loud and ghetto with it. This is not reality TV. And if your partner still doesn't come clean? Get the hell out of there. They're a liar, in which case you don't want anything to do with them anyway.
• Treat arguments like a debate.
• This is something that I read somewhere online and I think is a great idea. Just like a debate, one person talks for one minute then gives their partner a minute to express their thoughts and offer rebuttal. You can keep this going until both of you feel like you've gotten everything off of your chest, or you can just set a time limit. Set aside ten minutes, each of you gets five chances to talk. Once the time is up, try to think of a solution. If you both are just over it and feel like no solution is available that will appease both sides, please see the next tip.
• Know when to say when.
• We all know that couple that fights from the house, to the car, to their destination, back home, and into the next day. That is exhausting and just plain annoying. To me, arguments are over when you start repeating the same things that you've said before. I heard you the first time you said it, please don't keep repeating it over and over again. It's also time to call it quits when someone loses their cool. If at any point either of you starts getting loud and irrational, take a breather and read the next tip. Once the cool off period is done, try again. If it still doesn't get anywhere, just be done with it. Not everyone is going to agree on everything, even those in a relationship and this something we just have to accept.
• Have a cool off period.
• This is the most important part, and the part that keeps you from killing each other or breaking up every time you have a little spat. Pick a corner and cool off. I'm terrible at letting things bother me for days and days. I'll just not say anything to anyone. Don't do that. It's childish and makes your partner annoy the hell out of you until you talk to them (that gets on my LAST NERVE!!!). Take an hour or two, take a deep breath, and re-open the door to let your partner in, literally or figuratively. Even if they choose to remain upset, at least you've extended the invitation. They'll come around eventually. 
• Find what works best for you.
• Some people like to write it out. Some people like to sit across from each other and just talk. Some people like to be in public places to express themselves. Figure out how you are most comfortable getting your thoughts our of your head and go with it. Not everyone is the same. And if you and your partner have different ways of communicating, try to merge them and make them work. After all, the point is really to just get things off your chest and try to find a fix that will make everyone happy. It'll take time, but once you both master what method of expression works for you both, you'll see things drastically change.

I only had one request for this particular post, and it just came in a few nights ago. But it's something I struggle with a lot. Like every single day. As most of you know if you've been following along, I have a bunch of experience with break-ups and separations. But truth be told, I have very little experience with letting go. I still talk to almost all of the guys I've dealt with in the past. Not on some "I love you"/"I miss you" type of deal. We've moved on. I have my boys to take care of. But when you share so much of your life, such a big part of yourself with someone, you just can't cut them off.

I just wished one of my exes a happy birthday. He's a Cancer. I can never forget his birthday. Another came to my dad's funeral last November, paid his respects to my family, met my fiance and my son, and carried himself out of there. It wasn't weird. It wasn't disrespectful. It just was. I go to another one of my exes for advice, and to save me from myself sometimes. I'm known to get into many sticky situations. One of my old boyfriends even sent my son gifts when he found out that I was pregnant.

But one is like fire. A no go. Do not touch. And when you have a family and a comfortable life, and especially a little person that you have to shape and mold and prepare for the world, you cannot play with fire. You just cannot afford to get burned anymore. He's caused issues in our relationship in the past, almost ending it a couple of times. This is where I'm drawing my tips from. This situation has taught me how to let go, for the good of everybody. And truth be told: it's freaking hard!! It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life.

So here are the tips and tools that I use to get myself through the letting go process every day.

• Practice self control.
• You're going to want to call them. Your gut is going to want to text them. You're going to want to hear their voice or even check if they still give a damn about you. Don't do it. Put the phone down. Walk away from the Facebook page. Leave their Instagram alone. Be in control of your own actions. And if they text you? Delete. That simple. Don't fall back in and allow that person to get back into your head. Just like most things, getting started is always the hardest part. But you can do it. Just stop. Think. Breath. Be rational. Because if you continue to entertain the nonsense, they will continue to bring it to you. Be strong.
• If You're Done, Be Done. Don't Play Games!
• I'm sooooooo guilty of this. The revolving door. I'm done. Then I'm not. Then I'm done. Then I want you to come have cookies and ice cream with me. Don't do this. If you cut someone off, leave them cut off. It's confusing to you and it's unfair to them to keep going back and forth. if you're not sure what you want to do, just take some time and BE HONEST!! Let the person know where your head is at, your reasoning, and let them know that you're in the process of making a decision. Give yourself a seven day timeline to sort our your feelings and really sort them out. Within those seven says has this person made you more happy or sad? What do they bring to your life? What would life be like without them? Better? Worse? Then make the decision and stick with it!
• Don't reminisce. 
• You guys were together. You had great times. There were great memories shared. But there is also a reason why you guys separated and you are not together. Remember that. If something happened that forced you to leave this person, it must have been pretty messed up. Or you just reached the point where you couldn't handle the crap anymore. Do not sit and beat yourself up for letting go of a person that didn't meet your standards. The few good times you shared do not make up for all the other mess and/or drama that you guys went through. Stop taking strolls down memory lane. It's not conducive to anything at all.
• Find a hobby.
• Get your mind off of it. Read. Write. Knit. Pick up running. Reconnect with friends. Get a second job. Something! You're going to need something to distract your mind and stop you from thinking about the person. Plus, you're doing something that you enjoy. Getting back to being you. What did you do before you met the person? Figure that out and go for it. You'll feel a lot better about yourself too. It's science. Look it up.
• Realize there are going to be things unsaid.
• I think this is the hardest part of letting go. Waking up a few days after you've cut someone off and having something else to say. You just want to grab your phone and text them everything you just thought about and see their response. For these times, you're going to need a journal. Friends are good too. Or you can write a letter, read it aloud, and throw it out. Or file it away (I have an entire notebook of notes to exes). There are going to be things that you forget to say to that person or unreconciled feelings that you are going to have. This is the moment when you're going to need to pull out that self control and accept that fact that it's done and move on. Take a second, deal with the emotions, and keep on going. You got another day to live, do something great with it. 

To all of you that have requested this post, and there were A LOT, here it is. These are my tips to help you find your match. Feel free to comment below if you have any more tips or suggestions that you would like to add.

Now let's also keep in mind that everyone's perfect match is not the same. Therefore, we are not all looking for the same thing. And these tips are not for those who are looking to find a man to, shall we say, keep her company at night (that can be another post). These are for those who are legitimately ready to settle down and  find someone that they can share memorable experiences with.

1. Be Who You Want To Attract

• I never understand this. A lot of us want a faithful guy who can take care of the house, bring in the money, he's great with kids, and he loves puppies. But what do we have to offer? You cannot expect to find a man, let alone one that will take you seriously enough to settle down with you, if you have nothing going for yourself. Do you have a job? How about a savings? If you can't cook, will you at least be able to wash the dishes after he makes a meal? Are you honest with him? Think about all of these things. You really cannot expect to find Mr. Right if your Ms. Wrong. And be HONEST with yourself. Don't evaluate yourself on what you plan on doing. Evaluate yourself on what you're actually doing now. And think about it this way: if your child or your best friend brought someone just like you home, would you think they are acceptable? 

2. Figure Out What You're Looking For

• This is the biggest problem I see when it comes to dating. We get filled up with what we SHOULD be looking for and not what we ACTUALLY want. If you were to describe your ideal mate, what would they be like? And please do not say tall, dark, and handsome. That's some crap and you know it. Most African American women want those yellow dudes that look like they haven't seen the sun in about twenty years. Ya'll can keep that mess. But anyway, let's get back to business. Think about what you want in life, especially further down the line. Do you want a family? Do you want to travel? Are you going to eventually be looking to bring other people into the relationship in the form of swinging or something like that? Really think about it. Because it makes no sense wasting time looking for a man that really isn't genuinely going to make you happy. You'll be looking for someone elses Mr. Right and not your own. Once you figure out what you want out of a guy, you're already halfway there.

3. Listen To The Signs

• We've all been there. We're dating someone and our gut is telling us to get away! Run!! No good!! Red flag!! But we stay and we deal with the mess hoping that eventually he'll come around. But you know what, most of the time he doesn't. On the final episode of Catfish Season 3, Selita Ebanks said that for the first three months of a relationship, we get the representative of the actual person that we think we are dating. That is so true!! In the beginning of a courtship, we get the best the person has to offer, or what is supposed to be. So if they start out lying, cheating, manipulating, forgetting to mention they have a significant other/baby at home etc., what in the holy hell do you expect to happen in the future?? They started out with the bullshit. How do you think it's going to end up? Listen to the signs. Cut your loses and move the hell on. The end.