I've never been the jealous type of girlfriend. I'm all for my significant other having friends, being friendly with girls, and even talking to their exes. My whole thing is, if she was really that great, he would still be with her and wouldn't be wasting his time with me. Period. Plus, I was not above having my own little thing going on. So he could do as he pleased because I was doing the same. But lately, I'm starting to get super duper paranoid. Maybe it's because I'm actually marrying the the guy I'm with now and I don't want any third parties in our relationship. Maybe it's because now I don't have my own thing on the side and it's just me and him rocking this out until death do us part (omg! that whole sentence just scared the shit out of me!). Can you tell I'm scared of marriage? 
So with all this being said, thoughts of snooping have sometimes crossed my mind. Let me define what I mean by snooping here. Going through your partner's phone while their asleep or in the shower? Snooping. Going through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, e-mails, etc. while your partner is not around because they left it open? Snooping. Going through phone records to see who your partner is calling and what number they contact most frequently? Snooping. Got it? Snooping is basically any attempt to get into your partners private information without their knowledge or consent. That's my definition. Plain and simple.
 Now based on what I've read online, girls are all about snooping!! Demanding that their man unlock his phone any and everywhere to allow her to go through his messages and pictures. Scrolling through his Facebook messages and Instagram DM's, which were created by the devil to ruin relationships, in order to see what he's been doing and who he's been talking to. And heaven forbid she finds something! Sweet baby Jesus. Hell and fury will rain down on his soul and he will forever be cursed with the nagging, insecure girlfriend. Gasp! 
But let's be honest here. When you go snooping, you're already looking to find something. You already have it set in your mind that they've been doing something and you're just looking for evidence to back you up. And I know your reasoning. If he has nothing to hide, I won't have anything to find. Snooping is just your way to make sure that everything is fine and you have nothing to worry about. If they haven't been doing anything than you can look all day long, get caught up on what's going on in their life, and have peace of mind that you and your partner are in a good space.
I have not known or heard of a case of snooping that turned out well. There have even been cases where snooping turned out to ruin the best surprise of your entire life. Check out an example here. And think about this. Even if he texts the cute neighbor across the street and she thanks him for helping her with her groceries, groceries that you saw him carry in, you swear that he kissed her on the way out of the house and that they're having an affair. And what happens when he says it's not true? You swear he's lying! You scream and yell at him. He thinks you're crazy and leaves your crazy behind alone. And rightfully so.
So I've boiled it down to two reasons why we snoop. Insecurities within yourself or lack of trust in your partner. Now for yourself, you have to work on that honey. If he chose to be with you, you're it. You have something that no other girl has and it's what he's looking for. Be proud. Now if you go through his stuff and he's still playing around with other people, obviously he hasn't chosen to be with you. He's chosen to lie to you to make you believe certain things to keep you around as an option. That is not a choice. So go on and let that man go. I know, sounds so simple right? I'm not dismissing that we get lonely and we want a companion. Plus he's cute and drives a nice car. But is it really worth the bullcrap he puts you through? The fights? The toll is takes on your sanity? I think not.
Now as for lack of trust in him, ya'll need to talk that out. If you find something while snooping that is incriminating, I'm not saying to hit the road. I don't believe in that once a cheater, always a cheater. We make mistakes. We're human. I am saying that you guys need to have a frank conversation about it and nip that in the bud. And if he lies about everything? Then you leave his sorry ass alone and keep it pushing. Why are you still lying? I never understand that. I CAUGHT YOU and you still can't come clean. From that point on, there is nothing more to be said. Bye bye Charlie. Hopefully whoever he was talking to on the side will be more understanding.
Now how do I feel about snooping? The crazy, paranoid, about to get married me is all for it. But the rational me thinks it's a no go. My fiance is an expert snooper. He can find anything. But there is nothing for him to find. There are no locks on any of my devices, he knows all of my passwords, and I never sign out of the accounts anyway. But even if I did, he would find a way to get into everything. As I stated before, I'm terrible at it. So I don't do it. I forget his unlock code when he shows me. I forget the passwords he gives me. I just don't care enough to snoop. I have better stuff to do. I'm busy. I have a full time job, I write two blogs, I have a two year old, and I am planning a wedding. I have shit to do. So snooping is nowhere on this agenda. 
And I don't think you should do it either. His phone on the table is not an invitation to go through and see what he's been doing. Ask. The way he answers the question will tell you everything that you need to know. Trust me. Simplify why you feel like you have to snoop and tie it into one of the reasons that I stated above. Then address it and decide if you want to continue with this behavior or trust your partner, address the issues within yourself, and enjoy your relationship. It is such a true statement that if you don't have trust you don't have anything. Take heed to those words.
So to all my expert snoopers out there, ahem ahem, stop. If your partner cannot be honest with you, then you don't need to be with them. We all get those moments when we feel like our partner is being too friendly with the sales girl or we get a knot in our stomach when their phone goes off at three in the morning and it's right there next to you. Unlocked. And the message flashes across the screen. Look at you! I know that light bulb just went off in your head. And I know you would look! It's time to start having some frank conversations. It's time to start putting the trust back into our relationships and the peace back into our homes. It's time to deal with insecurities and lack of pride within ourselves. Take baby steps. The next time you see your partner's Facebook open for all to see, walk slowly away from the screen. Nothing good can come of that.

"The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or the desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their acquaintance and activity, but for this type of friendship, both  a rare man and a rare woman are needed." - Anna Garlin Spencer

We've heard it all before. Men and woman cannot be just friends. It's simply impossible. The physical attraction that inevitably occurs between a man and a woman will get in the way and complicate the entire situation. It just cannot be. We are sexual creatures incapable of separating romantic love and platonic love when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. That's just the way it is.

I had a hard time really wrapping my head around this topic. Honestly, I didn't know how I felt about it. I do think that men and women can be friends and remain that way forever. However, also believe that there will be some type of romantic attraction at some point. I mean, it just happens. Not on purpose. But you do start thinking about the what if's. What if this guy was my boyfriend? What kind of life would I have if I dated this guy who just understands me so well? And although you may not act on these feelings, they do pop into your head. And if you deny it, you're a liar.

So since I couldn't figure out which side of the fence I was on, I decided to dig a little but deeper into the subject. The first placed that I looked was Wikipedia. Of course the page gave me a really deep and technical background on where the term came from, but I really appreciated that I got a working definition in the first line. Please see quote below.

"Platonic love is a type of love that is chaste and non-sexual." - Wikipedia

Perfect!! Yes. That's exactly what I think about when I think about a platonic friendship. Two people of the opposite sex that are friends. Like real friends. Not friends with benefits. Not friends that are secretly crushing on each other and one is afraid to tell the other. Just friends. That's it.

This made my view point a lot clearer on the matter. Yes. Yes. Yes. Guys and girls can be just friends. I've had only two types of friendships like this in my life, but they were two of the most gratifying. Being friends with a guy gives you an entirely new perspective on issues, especially romantic ones. But aside from that, it's great to just have a guy friend to talk to. There is no competition. He doesn't care that you got the latest shoes or that your hair is straight from Brazil and has never been touched by human hands (unless you guys are interested in that). You guys just talk crap, shoot the breeze, and enjoy each other's company. I mean, isn't that what all friendships should be like?

Now the gray area comes in when you have someone in the relationship that catches feelings or has hidden motives. Some girls accept just being a guy's friend because they are hoping that they guy will eventually want to make them more than a friend. Or some guys agree to be a girl's friend so that he can hopefully one day take advantage of her in a moment of weakness. We all know this happens. And this is one of the main reasons why so many people believe that men and woman cannot be friends. So to all of you going through this situation, here are just a few words of advice.

• Set clear expectations.
• From the beginning, all parties involved should know what the expectation is. If you want to be just friends with someone, make that clear. And make it be known that there is not going to be a chance in the future of you guys ever being anything more. It may seem harsh, but it will save a lot of heart break and confusion down the line. It will also give you guys a chance to reflect and really think about whether or not you want to put yourself into this situation. Make sure that both of you get a chance to voice where you want the friendship to go and what activities/behaviors are acceptable in your friendship. It may seem stupid and tedious, and maybe even a bit boring, but it is necessary to make sure everything flows smoothly over time.
• If issues arise, reflect and resolve.
• If you guys come to a point where one person is having feelings for another or some other issues arise, talk about it. Why are they feeling this way? Are these romantic feelings getting in the way of the friendship? Lay it all on the table. And be honest. And if you feel like you can't be honest, you don't need to be friends with this person anyway. Once everything is out in the open, resolve the issue. Maybe you guys are spending too much time together and you need to bring other people into your life to divert your attention. Maybe connecting with someone of the opposite sex in this way has you thinking about something more serious with them, despite the expectations being set in the beginning. If this is the case, figure out what you want to do. You can either terminate the friendship or just ignore the fact that one of you is crushing on the other one. I'd say go with the former. Secret crushes always get messy, especially when someone in the friendship does get involved with someone romantically. It's going to suck to lose a friend, but it's not worth the headache.
• Never make assumptions.
• One thing that I kept reading online and that I saw in this video, is that guys think that girls are way more attracted to them than the girl actually is. Men also underestimate their value as a friend. Sometimes we're so full of ourselves that we swear that someone is attracted to us, even if they aren't. Really sit down and think about your friendship. And if you feel like the other person is becoming to clingy, think about why. What behaviors make you feel this way? And then think about if it was a friend of the same sex doing the same thing. Would you feel the same way? Sometimes we over react and think that we're being hit on when in all actuality, the other person is just being friendly or making conversation. Don't lose a friend because your head  is big. Get it clear first before you start jumping to conclusions
• Don't send mixed signals.
• Don't be that person that says they just want to be friends but they invite you over at three in the morning to "talk". Friends don't kiss. Friends don't have sex. They just don't do it. All of these behaviors are crossing the line into relationship land. And they send mixed signals. It's just not fair to the other person. If you want to be my friend and you don't want me to catch feelings for you, why do you text me inappropriate things at all hours of the night or make comments about us being together. Not cool. And you can't be mad if someone wants to be with you after you make them feel those kinds of feelings because of your words and actions. Keep it friendly. Of course friends make dirty jokes, talk about sex, complain about relationships, etc. But the line should never be crossed where one of you is hitting on the other. Don't do it.
• Cut the friend off if need be.
• It's hard to lose a friend, but you know what, sometimes it's necessary. I don't want any friends in my life that give me a freaking headache. I don't want anyone in my life that doesn't respect the boundaries that I have put forth for us. So you know what, if I have a friend that just can't get it together, they have to go. I don't care who you are. If you've exhausted all possibilities and the friendship is still not what you expected or the other person is still catching feelings, just end it. Tell them you don't feel like you can be friends anymore and wish them all the best. Explain why of course. Don't walk off like a douche bag. But you should let them know that they've been demoted to an acquaintance and will be treated as such. Buh-bye.

So let me just start by saying that this topic was a special request from my significant other because he thinks I'm horrible at communicating (ironic right?). It's not that I'm bad at it. I am really good with words. Honest. It's just that I'm all about efficiency and purpose. In an argument, I believe you say what you have to say, I say what I have to say, and then we're done. Let's agree to disagree and move on to something else. Not him. He wants to talk and find solutions to every single issue that we have. The problem with that is, some problems don't have solutions. You just have to respect each other's feelings and let it be. I have things to do. I don't want to sit and keep having the same discussion forty five times. So he wanted me to do this post on communication because he thinks it's an opportunity area for us (I do not). This one is for you James.

• Just because you're talking doesn't mean you're communicating.
• Just because words are coming out of your mouth and your partner is supposed to be listening doesn't mean you're communicating. You have to be saying something of value, and something that pertains to the issue at hand. Aimless talking gets you nowhere and it gets frustrating for the person who genuinely wants to get the problem solved. And your listener has to be open to listening. I mean, what's the point of talking to someone who isn't taking in what you're saying? Communicating has to be a two way street. Speak how you feel on the matter at hand and make sure your partner is really ingesting your concerns. It shows they care and it'll likely prevent the same issues from happening again in the future.
• You have to be honest or else the entire conversation is pointless.
• I hate when you're trying to talk to your partner and you know everything coming out of their mouth is a damn lie (luckily I've never had that problem with Dean). Like, do you think I'm a freaking idiot? I refuse to sit down and talk to someone and they can't even respect me enough to tell me the truth. So don't do that. That's a no no. Be honest and keep it real. And if you feel like your partner is being dishonest, DO NOT BE ACCUSATORY. Lay your evidence on the table and ask for an explanation. And don't be loud and ghetto with it. This is not reality TV. And if your partner still doesn't come clean? Get the hell out of there. They're a liar, in which case you don't want anything to do with them anyway.
• Treat arguments like a debate.
• This is something that I read somewhere online and I think is a great idea. Just like a debate, one person talks for one minute then gives their partner a minute to express their thoughts and offer rebuttal. You can keep this going until both of you feel like you've gotten everything off of your chest, or you can just set a time limit. Set aside ten minutes, each of you gets five chances to talk. Once the time is up, try to think of a solution. If you both are just over it and feel like no solution is available that will appease both sides, please see the next tip.
• Know when to say when.
• We all know that couple that fights from the house, to the car, to their destination, back home, and into the next day. That is exhausting and just plain annoying. To me, arguments are over when you start repeating the same things that you've said before. I heard you the first time you said it, please don't keep repeating it over and over again. It's also time to call it quits when someone loses their cool. If at any point either of you starts getting loud and irrational, take a breather and read the next tip. Once the cool off period is done, try again. If it still doesn't get anywhere, just be done with it. Not everyone is going to agree on everything, even those in a relationship and this something we just have to accept.
• Have a cool off period.
• This is the most important part, and the part that keeps you from killing each other or breaking up every time you have a little spat. Pick a corner and cool off. I'm terrible at letting things bother me for days and days. I'll just not say anything to anyone. Don't do that. It's childish and makes your partner annoy the hell out of you until you talk to them (that gets on my LAST NERVE!!!). Take an hour or two, take a deep breath, and re-open the door to let your partner in, literally or figuratively. Even if they choose to remain upset, at least you've extended the invitation. They'll come around eventually. 
• Find what works best for you.
• Some people like to write it out. Some people like to sit across from each other and just talk. Some people like to be in public places to express themselves. Figure out how you are most comfortable getting your thoughts our of your head and go with it. Not everyone is the same. And if you and your partner have different ways of communicating, try to merge them and make them work. After all, the point is really to just get things off your chest and try to find a fix that will make everyone happy. It'll take time, but once you both master what method of expression works for you both, you'll see things drastically change.