This video hit it right on the head. "I was really into him, but he was just too nice." Say what?? We just love the bad guys. Most of the time we are attracted to the guys that treat us the worst and wonder why we can't find someone that can truly make us happy. Your prince charming may be staring you right in the face. But you're too busy looking past him at the douche bag to really notice. Stop. Now.
First, as always, let me define what I mean by a nice guy. He's sweet. He genuinely cares about you and your feelings, even if he doesn't understand them. He goes out of his way to make sure that you are happy and your needs are met. He's considerate. None of that not hearing from him for three or four days at a time. He doesn't have another girlfriend or special "friends" on the side besides you. He's interested in you. He likes you. He wants to pursue something serious with you on the same terms and conditions that you do. This is the nice guy.
Most times, this guy gets banished to the friend zone. He's the one that we call when the asshole messes up and we need a shoulder to cry on. But really, in his head, he's like, "I would never do that to you." He's patient and listens to all of the messed up BS that Mr. Asshole has put you through. And he knows that you're going to go right back. But you don't have to worry. He won't let you know that he's judging you, unless you ask of course. Then he'll let you have it all. Honestly. He'll tell you about yourself.
Now, for those of us that do not banish him to the friend zone and actually see the dating potential in this guy, we often are the mean ones in the relationship. We push his buttons, secretly trying to pull the bad guy out of him. I mean, he can't REALLY be this nice. We think he's just putting on a front to get in your pants. He doesn't care about my interests. It's just a matter of time before he does the same things that all the other guys do.
But really, we're setting ourselves up for failure. When you go looking for something, you usually find it. The one time he doesn't answer his phone because he's at work or at brunch with his grandmother, we think he's cheating or not interested anymore. Those are our own insecurities that need to be addressed and removed from the relationship in order for it to be successful. But that is for another post. What we need to do is recognize that we have a nice guy, he's amazing, he's wonderful, he's ours and LEAVE ROOM FOR ERROR!!!
Now this is something that I struggled with in my relationship for a long time. I assumed that my nice guy had to be a PERFECT guy. But no one is perfect. He's going to mess up. He's going to forget to grab you a straw for your drink when he surprises you with lunch sometimes. He's going to fall asleep on you while watching a movie because he's tired sometimes. He's going to snore while you're trying to sleep (OMG!! This was a serious issue for us). But you know what. If you wake up in the morning and don't have to worry your head about him stepping out on you, if you know that he's going to be there whenever you need him, if you know he's always going to be on time to pick you up all the time, then all the other stuff can be overlooked. It's annoying. Yes. But it's not worth loosing this guy over.
So here are just a few tips I have for those of us who have been fortunate enough to date the nice guy or have someone in our lives that genuinely fits the description:
1. Don't mess it up by looking for his flaws. His imperfections will reveal themselves over time. If they are something you can't deal with, leave. If they are minor, learn to love them.
2. Never compare him to your exes. He's his own man. He will not treat you like them. And if you start seeing the signs that he's just pretending to be a nice guy (you'll know when his actions stop matching his words), get the hell out of there.
3. Learn to accept that fact that you deserve him. You've dated enough assholes. They've put you through enough. Now enjoy that fact that you have man that will make your heart skip a beat.
4. Love him back. Don't be the girl that gets the nice guy and she's a total bitch. Don't drive him away by doing the exact same things that the crappy guys did to you. He deserves to be with someone that will treat him just as well as he treats them.
5. Make sure he's really a nice guys and doesn't just have nice qualities. He can be a really nice guy without a job, he never finishes what he starts, he's attached to mommy at the hip, etc. Make sure your nice guy is a nice guy that you really want to be with before you waste his and your time.
And that's it. We, as women, have to start lifting our standards and holding our men accountable. We need to stop chasing the bad boys and the rebels and start seriously considering dating the sweet guys that we would never give chance. I swear to you, it will change your entire outlook on relationships.
I've never dated an asshole. I've dated guys that were vain, a little selfish, inexperienced, and just plain weird. But you know what, they've all been so good to me. I can say nothing bad about relationships. I was the one that ended up messing up and ending the relationship. I had my own issues that needed to be resolved. The nice guys are out there. They're ready, and they're looking for you. Be ready. Be open. And give them a chance. You'll never be able to date an asshole again.Your expectations will be drastically different. I promise.
